The holidays are indeed a stressful time for most folks, but when you are a new parent it can be especially trying. Having a new baby in the home while attempting to juggle holiday tasks and arrange or attend holiday gatherings takes nothing less than supernatural strength. The urge to make the holidays picture-perfect can be quite strong and many new parents find themselves feeling drained of energy and emotion before the season if half-way over. Here's a few strategies for new parents to survive the holidays:
Give up the fantasy of a picture-perfect holiday. You may feel the urge to do everything for everyone, and be everything for everybody, but that's just not the case when you are a new parent. Your number one obligation, your baby, will keep you plenty busy, and if family and friends know that you're overwhelmed and want to skip this year's Christmas party or other event, they'll understand. And if they don't - they probably don't have kids. Between nursing, diapering, cuddling, and more diapering a new baby - you will have to forgo many things you once held dear, or thought you held dear. Perhaps you were brought up in a home where the holidays meant a great deal and you are used to tons of special activities during this time of year, or maybe you have always envisioned the perfect "Martha Stewart" Christmas - now's the time to snap out of it and give up that illusion (at least for a year or two).
Know when it's time to roll in the doormat and put out the do not disturb sign. Of course you want to go to all the parties and celebrations that are hosted by your loved ones and close friends. But chances are that you're feeling overwhelmed as you adjust to the glorious (scary) place you've found yourself in - parenthood. Whether you've gone from being a childless couple or your new baby makes four, five, or more kids in the family's growing circle - take the time you need without worrying about the Jones' Christmas bash next door or Aunt Adelaide's Christmas Eve party.
Are you smarter than a two-month old? By now you probably have been able to pick up on signals that baby is feeling stressed. All babies have their own temperaments, and if yours prefers the peace and quiet of an empty house, let baby be the guide and consider leaving the party early or even foregoing events that are loud and full of commotion. Party at your house? If you somehow mustered the nerve to invite over a few guests for a holiday celebration, don't feel bad if baby (and you) decide to exit gracefully and leave the guests to your partner.
Keep the lines of communication open with your partner. It's so easy to get caught up in the love that you feel for your new baby and the hustling and bustling activities of the holiday season. Don't overlook your partner - he or she may be feeling an equal or even greater amount of stress, pressure, and anxiety. Be sure to discuss each other's wants, needs and expectations for the holiday as new parents, and make decisions that encompass a bit of both of your ideas.
Make a list of everything you need to do, separated into three categories - Musts, Shoulds, and Wants. In the Musts category, list everything that you absolutely must do (there is no way of getting around it); the Should category is where you list things that you feel pressured to do, but don't necessarily want to do; and the Want category is where you list the things you actually want to do. Pay close attention to the Wants category - it is important that you allow yourself to do some of the Wants for the holidays.
Take a decorating cue from the Mommy Muse. One year, I ended up putting the tree inside my baby's playpen, instead of her. I put all of the gifts inside there, which looked so silly, but it was a workable solution. I wasn't willing to go without my beloved tree. I needed to keep her safe. This was a way to do it and I was really glad. We only needed to do that for one year. Sure, all those fancy decorations are great for at least appearing to be in the holiday spirit, but don't worry if you can't go all out this year. If your baby is in the exploratory stages of crawling, it may be wise to follow do a bit of non-traditional decorating to keep baby (and your heirloom Christmas ornaments) safe.
Let your Christmas mouse do your shopping. With just the click of a mouse, you can have all of the gifts that you want to buy this year delivered to your home (either wrapped or unwrapped) without ever leaving the comfort of your robe and slippers. Not dragging your newborn out into the germ-infested malls in the freezing cold to dodge shopping carts and the lady that sprays you with perfume each time you pass the cosmetics counter is priceless.
Practice the art of light-duty hosting. Having a family get-together can be as simple as having everyone bring their favorite or most-requested dish to accompany a pre-cooked ham or turkey that you've purchased. Add a few pies from the deli down the street and you have a full meal, minus the time-consuming prep time. Clean up is as simple as 1-2-3 when you also furnish paper plates, cups, and utensils. This light duty-hosting is popular among new parents who don't have the energy or time to cook a gourmet holiday feast.
Give yourself some "me-time". It's important for new parents to schedule a few minutes each day for themselves, whether it's catching up on your favorite novel or luxuriating in a tub full of bubbles. You can take care of baby's needs more efficiently if you take time to let yourself feel like a human again (even if just for a precious half hour).
Give up the fantasy of a picture-perfect holiday. You may feel the urge to do everything for everyone, and be everything for everybody, but that's just not the case when you are a new parent. Your number one obligation, your baby, will keep you plenty busy, and if family and friends know that you're overwhelmed and want to skip this year's Christmas party or other event, they'll understand. And if they don't - they probably don't have kids. Between nursing, diapering, cuddling, and more diapering a new baby - you will have to forgo many things you once held dear, or thought you held dear. Perhaps you were brought up in a home where the holidays meant a great deal and you are used to tons of special activities during this time of year, or maybe you have always envisioned the perfect "Martha Stewart" Christmas - now's the time to snap out of it and give up that illusion (at least for a year or two).
Know when it's time to roll in the doormat and put out the do not disturb sign. Of course you want to go to all the parties and celebrations that are hosted by your loved ones and close friends. But chances are that you're feeling overwhelmed as you adjust to the glorious (scary) place you've found yourself in - parenthood. Whether you've gone from being a childless couple or your new baby makes four, five, or more kids in the family's growing circle - take the time you need without worrying about the Jones' Christmas bash next door or Aunt Adelaide's Christmas Eve party.
Are you smarter than a two-month old? By now you probably have been able to pick up on signals that baby is feeling stressed. All babies have their own temperaments, and if yours prefers the peace and quiet of an empty house, let baby be the guide and consider leaving the party early or even foregoing events that are loud and full of commotion. Party at your house? If you somehow mustered the nerve to invite over a few guests for a holiday celebration, don't feel bad if baby (and you) decide to exit gracefully and leave the guests to your partner.
Keep the lines of communication open with your partner. It's so easy to get caught up in the love that you feel for your new baby and the hustling and bustling activities of the holiday season. Don't overlook your partner - he or she may be feeling an equal or even greater amount of stress, pressure, and anxiety. Be sure to discuss each other's wants, needs and expectations for the holiday as new parents, and make decisions that encompass a bit of both of your ideas.
Make a list of everything you need to do, separated into three categories - Musts, Shoulds, and Wants. In the Musts category, list everything that you absolutely must do (there is no way of getting around it); the Should category is where you list things that you feel pressured to do, but don't necessarily want to do; and the Want category is where you list the things you actually want to do. Pay close attention to the Wants category - it is important that you allow yourself to do some of the Wants for the holidays.
Take a decorating cue from the Mommy Muse. One year, I ended up putting the tree inside my baby's playpen, instead of her. I put all of the gifts inside there, which looked so silly, but it was a workable solution. I wasn't willing to go without my beloved tree. I needed to keep her safe. This was a way to do it and I was really glad. We only needed to do that for one year. Sure, all those fancy decorations are great for at least appearing to be in the holiday spirit, but don't worry if you can't go all out this year. If your baby is in the exploratory stages of crawling, it may be wise to follow do a bit of non-traditional decorating to keep baby (and your heirloom Christmas ornaments) safe.
Let your Christmas mouse do your shopping. With just the click of a mouse, you can have all of the gifts that you want to buy this year delivered to your home (either wrapped or unwrapped) without ever leaving the comfort of your robe and slippers. Not dragging your newborn out into the germ-infested malls in the freezing cold to dodge shopping carts and the lady that sprays you with perfume each time you pass the cosmetics counter is priceless.
Practice the art of light-duty hosting. Having a family get-together can be as simple as having everyone bring their favorite or most-requested dish to accompany a pre-cooked ham or turkey that you've purchased. Add a few pies from the deli down the street and you have a full meal, minus the time-consuming prep time. Clean up is as simple as 1-2-3 when you also furnish paper plates, cups, and utensils. This light duty-hosting is popular among new parents who don't have the energy or time to cook a gourmet holiday feast.
Give yourself some "me-time". It's important for new parents to schedule a few minutes each day for themselves, whether it's catching up on your favorite novel or luxuriating in a tub full of bubbles. You can take care of baby's needs more efficiently if you take time to let yourself feel like a human again (even if just for a precious half hour).
About the Author:
Overwhelmed new parent? Christy Cuellar-Wentz, M.A. can help. As an internet talk radio host and mental health professional, she specializes in providing the support you need for the life-changing journey into motherhood. Sign up for free, weekly MP3 downloads and a wealth of resources for new moms and empower your life with information on postpartum survival strategies at the Mommy-Muse website and blog.
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