A volatile stock market, unpredictably disastrous weather, home mortgage crises and tightening credit crunch all add up to increasingly difficult home environments. Some of the most at-risk members of our population include pregnant and postpartum mothers. They are already coping with tremendous hormone and brain chemistry changes, and have a biological imperative to establish a safe haven for their new charges.
Parental stress levels directly impact the stress levels of the sensitive young minds of babies and children. New mothers and fathers who find themselves overloaded and unprepared for the challenges that face them need practical ways to cope with the instability that can make the creation of a stable home life impossible. Here are some ways to help both parent and child:
1. Focus on the Present. It may be tempting to think about the list of problems stretched out ahead of you. This will only lead to a downward mental spiral. Instead, ask yourself if you and your baby or child are safe for the moment. If you are, take a deep breath and allow a moment of gratitude. If not, do whatever you need to do to get the two of you into a safe environment and take it one day at a time.
2. Be Honest. Ignoring your emotions or hiding your feelings can work against you. Whether you are mad, sad, glad, scared or some confusing combination of these, please know that it is O.K. for you to feel whatever is going on inside.
3. Make a Connection. You may not know it yet, but you are in good company. Reaching out to others and sharing your story can bring healing and comfort. Sometimes this is possible face to face, but other options are available. Consider connecting with an online support group. Knowing that just a single person or small group cares about you, even if they are long distance, can provide strength for you to carry on.
4. Nurture Yourself. Ask yourself what you love with each of your senses. What do you love to hear? What do you love to taste? What do you love to feel? What do you love to smell? What do you love to see? Write your answers down, and be creative. Spa days, massages and fancy dinners are great, but the object here is to find small but meaningful ways to nurture yourself every day. You may be surprised to find the variety of simple, inexpensive ways to bring pleasure through multiple senses. A cup of favorite tea or coffee can nourish your sense of taste, smell, touch, and even sight if you take the time to focus and enjoy it. Stroking a cat or dog can be tremendously soothing, nourishing your sense of touch and bringing a sense of connection at the same time. It is possible to become aware of beauty even in some of the harshest environments.
5. Cover the Basics. Sleep, eat, drink water, and breathe. It may not seem like much, but accomplishing these basics will give you strength and help you through to easier times.
6. Ask for Help. You do not need to prove your competence by trying to do everything alone. People may not realize you need help unless you let them know. Don't let pride or shame get in the way. Whether you need help with housing, food, finding information, a safe person to talk to, a little time for yourself away from your baby or some extra sleep, give yourself permission to ask. Asking doesn't guarantee you will receive the help you need, but it will dramatically increase your chances.
Parental stress levels directly impact the stress levels of the sensitive young minds of babies and children. New mothers and fathers who find themselves overloaded and unprepared for the challenges that face them need practical ways to cope with the instability that can make the creation of a stable home life impossible. Here are some ways to help both parent and child:
1. Focus on the Present. It may be tempting to think about the list of problems stretched out ahead of you. This will only lead to a downward mental spiral. Instead, ask yourself if you and your baby or child are safe for the moment. If you are, take a deep breath and allow a moment of gratitude. If not, do whatever you need to do to get the two of you into a safe environment and take it one day at a time.
2. Be Honest. Ignoring your emotions or hiding your feelings can work against you. Whether you are mad, sad, glad, scared or some confusing combination of these, please know that it is O.K. for you to feel whatever is going on inside.
3. Make a Connection. You may not know it yet, but you are in good company. Reaching out to others and sharing your story can bring healing and comfort. Sometimes this is possible face to face, but other options are available. Consider connecting with an online support group. Knowing that just a single person or small group cares about you, even if they are long distance, can provide strength for you to carry on.
4. Nurture Yourself. Ask yourself what you love with each of your senses. What do you love to hear? What do you love to taste? What do you love to feel? What do you love to smell? What do you love to see? Write your answers down, and be creative. Spa days, massages and fancy dinners are great, but the object here is to find small but meaningful ways to nurture yourself every day. You may be surprised to find the variety of simple, inexpensive ways to bring pleasure through multiple senses. A cup of favorite tea or coffee can nourish your sense of taste, smell, touch, and even sight if you take the time to focus and enjoy it. Stroking a cat or dog can be tremendously soothing, nourishing your sense of touch and bringing a sense of connection at the same time. It is possible to become aware of beauty even in some of the harshest environments.
5. Cover the Basics. Sleep, eat, drink water, and breathe. It may not seem like much, but accomplishing these basics will give you strength and help you through to easier times.
6. Ask for Help. You do not need to prove your competence by trying to do everything alone. People may not realize you need help unless you let them know. Don't let pride or shame get in the way. Whether you need help with housing, food, finding information, a safe person to talk to, a little time for yourself away from your baby or some extra sleep, give yourself permission to ask. Asking doesn't guarantee you will receive the help you need, but it will dramatically increase your chances.
About the Author:
Christy Cuellar-Wentz, M.A. is a writer and mental health professional specializing in providing support for the journey into new parenthood. You can find resources for new parents and up to date information at the Mommy-Muse website and blog.
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