Our world is changing faster than ever. Disastrous weather, home mortgage crises and a plunging stock market have brought increasing instability to our homes. Pregnant and postpartum new mothers who are already dealing with massive fluctuations in hormones and brain chemistry are among the most at-risk during difficult times. The external world conflicts with their strong internal drive to create a safe "nest" for their babies.
Unstable world environments can make the creation of a stable home life impossible, ramping up stress and wreaking havoc in parent's minds and bodies. A stressed mother equals a stressed baby, but the reverse is also true. Helping a new mother feel more secure will have a positive effect on the baby as well. Here are some tips to cope with difficult times:
1. Focus on the moment. There may be a hundred problems that you need to cope with. You cannot possibly tend to them all at once. Just focus on one at a time. Most importantly, check if you and your family are safe for now. If not, ask yourself what you need to do to assure the most basic needs are met, and follow through. If you are safe, even for the night, breathe and allow a moment of gratitude for even the smallest blessings.
2. Allow Yourself to Be Honest. You may need to temporarily suppress some emotions for the sake of being able to move forward in the world, but ignoring your feelings completely can be dangerous. Give yourself permission to feel whatever is going on inside. Do an internal check. Are you mad, glad, sad, scared or some combination of these?
3. Connect with Someone. You may not realize it yet, but you are not alone. Connecting to share your story can bring back your sense of sanity. It can also comfort other people in need. Quantity doesn't matter much, or even the means of connecting. The internet can provide a way to reach out to support groups if you haven't found supportive people locally. A single, supportive human connection can do a world of good.
4. Nurture Your Senses. What do you love? Sights, smells, sounds, tastes and touch all have the capacity to nurture our spirits. At a time when indulgences may seem impossible, you can nourish yourself by paying attention to the smallest treats. Ask yourself what you love to taste, touch, smell, see and hear. Think of ways to do two or more at a time and really focus on them. Some of the best ones are completely free. Really tasting a meal, noticing the colors in the world around you, feeling the warmth of your child's skin, hearing the sound of a loved one's voice can sustain you through some of the most difficult times. Strive to indulge each of your senses in some small way each day.
5. Cover the Essentials. Eating, sleeping, breathing and drinking water may not seem significant, but they are. Attending to these essentials each day will provide you with the energy to make it through to smoother times.
6. Ask Others for Help. This is no sign of weakness. On the contrary, you prove your competence by asking for help for yourself and your family when you need it. Do you need help finding information, food, housing, resources, or a supportive network? People might not know what you need unless you tell them. Don't let your pride interfere. Give yourself permission to ask for help and increase your chances of finding the resources you need.
Unstable world environments can make the creation of a stable home life impossible, ramping up stress and wreaking havoc in parent's minds and bodies. A stressed mother equals a stressed baby, but the reverse is also true. Helping a new mother feel more secure will have a positive effect on the baby as well. Here are some tips to cope with difficult times:
1. Focus on the moment. There may be a hundred problems that you need to cope with. You cannot possibly tend to them all at once. Just focus on one at a time. Most importantly, check if you and your family are safe for now. If not, ask yourself what you need to do to assure the most basic needs are met, and follow through. If you are safe, even for the night, breathe and allow a moment of gratitude for even the smallest blessings.
2. Allow Yourself to Be Honest. You may need to temporarily suppress some emotions for the sake of being able to move forward in the world, but ignoring your feelings completely can be dangerous. Give yourself permission to feel whatever is going on inside. Do an internal check. Are you mad, glad, sad, scared or some combination of these?
3. Connect with Someone. You may not realize it yet, but you are not alone. Connecting to share your story can bring back your sense of sanity. It can also comfort other people in need. Quantity doesn't matter much, or even the means of connecting. The internet can provide a way to reach out to support groups if you haven't found supportive people locally. A single, supportive human connection can do a world of good.
4. Nurture Your Senses. What do you love? Sights, smells, sounds, tastes and touch all have the capacity to nurture our spirits. At a time when indulgences may seem impossible, you can nourish yourself by paying attention to the smallest treats. Ask yourself what you love to taste, touch, smell, see and hear. Think of ways to do two or more at a time and really focus on them. Some of the best ones are completely free. Really tasting a meal, noticing the colors in the world around you, feeling the warmth of your child's skin, hearing the sound of a loved one's voice can sustain you through some of the most difficult times. Strive to indulge each of your senses in some small way each day.
5. Cover the Essentials. Eating, sleeping, breathing and drinking water may not seem significant, but they are. Attending to these essentials each day will provide you with the energy to make it through to smoother times.
6. Ask Others for Help. This is no sign of weakness. On the contrary, you prove your competence by asking for help for yourself and your family when you need it. Do you need help finding information, food, housing, resources, or a supportive network? People might not know what you need unless you tell them. Don't let your pride interfere. Give yourself permission to ask for help and increase your chances of finding the resources you need.
About the Author:
Christy Cuellar-Wentz, M.A. is an author and mental health professional dedicated to providing support for the journey into new parenthood. Explore resources for new parents and up to date information at the Mommy-Muse website and blog.
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